How’s it going up there in
that spiritual plain among
I’m sure it’s lovely and perfect
unlike this hardened dung
heap under my feet;
It’s not all bad though, but
I envy those who have
both loving parents down
here on Earth.
How’s sis doing with you?
I know she only lived
a few minutes and
I know that ordeal did a number
on you and mom.
I know when you were stolen from us,
it did a number on mom too,
the affects were delayed for me –
I got older and
realized the significance of
I understand you didn’t want
to leave, though we all will
forever ask “Why?”
You were proud and happy
to be a father, it didn’t matter if
it’s to a son, or to a daughter;
at least, that’s my impression from
what mom’s told me about you.
I don’t know how you
wanted me to be, or if you
had any “standards.” Mom seems
to have some of those.
You probably wanted me to like
sports, specifically baseball;
I don’t see the appeal of
our family’s obsession. Would you still
consider me a man despite
Like mom, you’d probably find it odd
I’m more into cartoons, anime, videogames, and
a show about tiny equines intended for little girls
(it’s really good, seriously).
And like mom, you’re probably not proud that
I’ve discovered a way to lust in secret and
puff on burning fags of tobacco leaves
despite my heart problem.
There may be some other imperfections
I have, but may not be aware of;
mom does seem to nitpick though,
I don’t know if you were as peculiar.
I hope you’re at least proud that
I’m finding my way and who I am
in spirit and in myself; I know
I’m not the most decisive person and
I’m unlike the majority of
our family and tend to
deviate from the norm.
I hope you know that
I’m not like you or mom or
mom doesn’t quite understand this
it seems. I don’t know for sure.
I’ll leave whatever you two need to
discuss amongst yourselves.
All I ask is for
your love and acceptance for
who I am – my heart
fell for a guy recently, and
I’m ok with this. Would
you deny me if I
had a boyfriend?
No one will ever know what
you would’ve done.
Anyway, I need
to get back to figuring shit out; I need
to get back to filling
that hole you left behind.