How to Improve Safety Quality

An experimental poem in terms of the form: a mix between an ad and a poem on society.

Enjoy!


Before you enjoy your fresh cup of McDonald’s coffee, take note of the warnings on the lid and along the seam of the disposable cup. We serve our delicious coffee at 180o – 190o F, so that your joe on the go stays hotter, longer.

Since the Liebeck lawsuit and other related lawsuits, however, we have been forced to add instructional warnings on the cup.

They are as follows:

Keep cup secure in cup holder when inside a vehicle.
Only qualified personnel may fill cup, or add cream and/or sugar upon request.
Qualified personnel must be sure that lid is firmly secure on cup.
Do not microwave liquid in disposable cup.
Do not drink until liquid is lukewarm.
Do not drink and drive.
Do not drink.

We know you’re an idiot.
We know you’ll ignore these new warning labels
anyway. No one reads anymore.

We know you’ll be sitting in your car, your coffee
cup between your legs because there are no cup holders, the
lid mostly open, and rather than
adding your cream and sugar,
hot coffee gets all over your lap and singes your groin.
What else did you expect?

We know idiots like you will inherit the earth.
Your new cup is our company’s contribution
to idiot-proof the world. We should
enjoy our first-world pleasures safely
by not enjoying them at all.

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