Substance Abuser

First poem of 2016…starting off real great. Anyway, enjoy.


Every Time.
Every Time I establish a
mutual connection with another and
I open my heart to them and
they open theirs to me – I
can’t help but lose myself
over them – they
become an Obsession slowly
working its way through every
orifice in my brain –
Every Time I hope they
might be the one for me – not
to make me whole but to
connect – to make us
greater than we could
alone. Yet it seems
I Obsess over the disinterested –
I Obsess over the “I’m not ready” –
I Obsess over the happily mated – and
when quitting is an option another
Obsession appears and consumes
my heart – I remember
this behavior has burned away
inside me like acid – it has shoved
me close to death’s door. How do I
quit this behavior for good? Or
should I even quit the search – the
constant chasing of tails? Or maybe
jealousy is eating at me and
I’m afraid of being alone with no
companion. Perhaps my heart
is made of mercury – it
melts so easily – but it has
already melted.

A Dream Becoming Possible

I’ve wondered more and more if
I will meet that soul which
compliments mine since
contemplating that I can love another
man as I can love a woman;

I’ve wondered more and more where
I am going now and
who with since
resuscitating my love for
God’s creatures, so much that
I wish to become one myself at times.
I’ve learned more about myself; I’ve learned

more about what makes
the animals, plants,
fungi, protists,
all life
tick –

how they’re similar,
how they’re different – it’s
quite amazing. Maybe I will

follow my childhood dream of
veterinary practice or doing my
part in conservation and education, to
broaden our specie’s mind, exposing them
to other life on Earth – life I

would rather be a part of. Oh, how

I would love that! And by my side, the
man I love, who shares my love
for the natural world;
whoever he may be.

The Raven; Read by Christopher Walken

Sharing this here considering this is a poetry blog. Originally posted on my personal blog. Great poem read by a great yet strange actor.


Found this on my Facebook feed and I had to share it here!

I’ll admit, Poe’s one of my favorite writers; I’ve always enjoyed any of his poems/stories that I read for my English classes in high school and college. Sometime, probably when I’m done slugging through college, I would love to get a complete collection of all his works (if such a thing exists).

Oh yeah, it’s read by none other than Christopher Walken, complimented by background ambiance!

Chambers in an Organ

You have weighed it down by keeping your mind
saturated with stress and unearthed dreams
you kept buried in the chambers
of your heart – they are easier to achieve
without that covalent bond of another.
As productivity increases, stress decreases;
it will gradually rise to the top of your mind
and make your heart lie that it’s empty
because you don’t have another to share it with.

You feel the chambers collapse in on themselves –
soon, you won’t be able to support them yourself.
Your heart is smaller,

emptier,
heavier;

the thought of not finding another is
floating at the top of your mind now.

The chambers are now flooded.

Zodiac Reading

Noticed I’ve started changing my beliefs a little bit. That, or I’m starting to think for myself a little more, in terms of spirituality.


Hello Pisces.

Keep in mind what I’m about to reveal for
the rest of this week, or the rest of today.
Your two fish among the stars have revealed
to me rewards and consequences
in your near future – take joy or take warning –

cosmic beings will guide you as you walk
this rutted path you keep traveling, apathetic
to the beautiful, dynamic world that breaths
around you – that breaths
without you.

Your third-eye craves for change;
it hungers. The arid habitat of tradition leaves it
parched. It’s impatient for Someone to reveal His
plan for you, oblivious to what
He reveals to you, if anything at all.
Change is scary, Pisces; I understand. Don’t
allow others to waste your mind away by feeding it
synthetics, and hide it away from the rest of
your fellow beings. You’re more than mere fish,

Pisces; you’re a free child that needs to explore,
that needs to get dirty and scrape their knees –
to learn what others believe.

The world isn’t a polished, blue marble; it’s
a disgusting and cruel wasteland, it keeps you
on your toes, it keeps you alive –
that’s the beauty of Mother Earth.

A Late-Night Storm

I revealed my true self to a community of
those who claim to love me –

one member decided to voice her opinion
on the matter, one that was more like

an annoying mosquito
buzzing in my ear. She openly

questioned my sex life, yet
is that not a taboo subject
among close-minded followers of God?

Puberty happened to the old me,
the sheltered me.
I’m fully aware that

penis plus vagina equals snoo snoo, and
not penis plus anus –

don’t act like I’m stupid.

This brainwashed zombie continued
harassing me on the matter, as did others who
agreed with the old-fashioned, 50s American lifestyle.

I told them I was done –

no longer did I want to
associate myself with fag haters. Now

I’m a lost cat without a home –
wandering, searching, hoping for a better life
filled with a love that God intended.

I hope this torrent doesn’t come
to pass. Was this merely

late-night wanderings of the mind?
A prophetic vision of what’s to come?

Or a warning.

At least the graphite flaked off
onto the paper – now the
self-healing process begins

again.

Past Lives

They say cats have 9 lives;
I’ve already lost 7.
Every time I changed my
residence, every time I changed
schools, every time I change
communities of Christians, they
become a past life long gone. Any
relationships or lessons I’ve acquired in
these past lives are taken –
some remembered,
most forgotten.

I have her to thank for that.

It’s as if when I begin to
bloom like a tall, strong sunflower to
my fullest potential, or when I just made
magnetic connections with others
who could help me grow –
it’s all for naught upon
relocation. She might as well

have told me: I
accidentally made a
poor life decision –
others hate me for no reason –
our lives are in shambles
right now; pack up, get in the car,
we’ll have to start over again
and again
and again
and again
and – STOP!
No more!
Please!
I’m down to 2 lives. I want
them to mean something
for a change. Never before have I
made connections so strong; I feel it
in my heart for once. Never before have I
acquired so much knowledge and wisdom; for once,
I’m on the right path.

Don’t take it all away
from me.

Sometimes
I wonder if all I am is
a burden to you, preventing
you from being wealthy and comfortable.
If this is so, if
money’s your highest priority,
why haven’t you
booted me out of your life yet?
Why didn’t you
allow me to die when I was
born so weak?

I’m sure this
isn’t what you wanted;

I never wanted this either.