There is a howl that resonates the air

A sonnet I wrote for my boyfriend for our two-month anniversary. It’s been a while since I’ve written one of these, so hopefully this makes some sense and follows the form.


There is a howl that resonates the air –
not deep and prideful – that is not my wolf.
A friendly call belongs to him I care
about – the gentle soul that is your wealth.
We nuzzle muzzles – locking lips as we
exchange our breaths. Alone, his presence soothes
me – pulsing heartbeats calm the torrent sea
of my disquiet mind – it is defused.
Our new, unnatural courtship stuck for two
endearing, lovely months – and both of us
are new to this – a concept we pursued
despite us keeping mateship in a hush.
But this wolf cares for his peculiar pack –
no matter what, he keeps us all intact.

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Substance Abuser

First poem of 2016…starting off real great. Anyway, enjoy.


Every Time.
Every Time I establish a
mutual connection with another and
I open my heart to them and
they open theirs to me – I
can’t help but lose myself
over them – they
become an Obsession slowly
working its way through every
orifice in my brain –
Every Time I hope they
might be the one for me – not
to make me whole but to
connect – to make us
greater than we could
alone. Yet it seems
I Obsess over the disinterested –
I Obsess over the “I’m not ready” –
I Obsess over the happily mated – and
when quitting is an option another
Obsession appears and consumes
my heart – I remember
this behavior has burned away
inside me like acid – it has shoved
me close to death’s door. How do I
quit this behavior for good? Or
should I even quit the search – the
constant chasing of tails? Or maybe
jealousy is eating at me and
I’m afraid of being alone with no
companion. Perhaps my heart
is made of mercury – it
melts so easily – but it has
already melted.

A Dream Becoming Possible

I’ve wondered more and more if
I will meet that soul which
compliments mine since
contemplating that I can love another
man as I can love a woman;

I’ve wondered more and more where
I am going now and
who with since
resuscitating my love for
God’s creatures, so much that
I wish to become one myself at times.
I’ve learned more about myself; I’ve learned

more about what makes
the animals, plants,
fungi, protists,
all life
tick –

how they’re similar,
how they’re different – it’s
quite amazing. Maybe I will

follow my childhood dream of
veterinary practice or doing my
part in conservation and education, to
broaden our specie’s mind, exposing them
to other life on Earth – life I

would rather be a part of. Oh, how

I would love that! And by my side, the
man I love, who shares my love
for the natural world;
whoever he may be.

Chambers in an Organ

You have weighed it down by keeping your mind
saturated with stress and unearthed dreams
you kept buried in the chambers
of your heart – they are easier to achieve
without that covalent bond of another.
As productivity increases, stress decreases;
it will gradually rise to the top of your mind
and make your heart lie that it’s empty
because you don’t have another to share it with.

You feel the chambers collapse in on themselves –
soon, you won’t be able to support them yourself.
Your heart is smaller,

emptier,
heavier;

the thought of not finding another is
floating at the top of your mind now.

The chambers are now flooded.

Self-Surgery on the Soul

I’ve been poked and prodded at with
needles filling my newborn veins with
God knows what; I’ve been sliced open
so that they could invade my
abnormal heart and
dig out a hole to keep my
infant body alive; maybe
these same people pierced my body
to install something artificial,
something man-made,
to keep my growing body alive. And yet,

I keep searching – for someone out there
who might fill in my soul
to keep me happy – for something to
keep me alive. All thanks to
Death for vacating a
part of my soul I
never got to know. I’ve
gotten desperate; I don’t care
what they look like. As long as
that part of me is filled and
I am still alive, I am happy.

Your Motivation Should Be…

Don’t you hate it when
the mind wanders? And
you start thinking
about the people in your life:
those you love,
those you don’t like,
that random guy you met at a café?
Do you end up thinking about
the significance
of it all? Why

they of all people
are in your life?

Why is it that
whenever she’s around or
you’re aware of her presence –

you feel uneasy –

you can’t be 100% yourself because
you’re not allowed to? Or
you’re afraid of what
she’ll think of you?

How much longer will she be
like a dislodged disk in
your spine – preventing you
from reaching your full
potential?

When will liberation arrive?

But what about those who
truly love you – more than
she ever could?
Don’t they support you where
you need it most? In
mind and spirit?

It’s not difficult finding
physical and monetary support
elsewhere. You only need
strong willpower and

motivation.

Don’t your friends – those
who say “I love you” and
mean it –

mean the world to you?

Your true Father introduced
you to them on
purpose – would that
not give any weight on
those relationships?
Have they not been willing
to give you a chance when
she didn’t? Even though

she claims to have done so?

It’s not difficult finding
physical and monetary,
emotional, mental, and spiritual
support
elsewhere –
be it from here on earth or
from someone with

unmatched, unconditional
love.

She’s not capable of
providing much for you
anymore.