Never Let Me Go

A bit on the experimental side, mainly with the rhyming. I tend to not rhyme whenever I write “vent poems,” so I decided to give it a shot this time.


Nowhere to run –
Nowhere to hide –
Out only to have a little fun,
Then it’s back to the grind.

You can’t keep me around forever

The burden that is you weighs a ton –
It’s a miracle my back is still intact
From caring for you – Remind me, am I your son
Or your husband? Is the “crippled mother” just an act?

You can’t keep me around forever

Can’t do this –
Can’t do that –
A new chapter of my life starts and you hiss
Anger is your soul – it’s how you always react.

I can’t stay here forever

For the first time, I found love –
I hope our souls intertwine –
I hope Peace descends like a dove
Upon this house – you and I are in a bind.

I won’t stay single forever

Consistently a disappointment, you have a list
Of every mistake I’ve made that makes you upset –
Your only child might as well not exist,
Or at least be a memorable vignette.

You shouldn’t hate yourself forever

All I ask is to be let go
Before winter comes
And I’m buried with snow,
Leaving you in the doldrums –
Sons won’t last forever,

But they must be on their own

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Past Lives

They say cats have 9 lives;
I’ve already lost 7.
Every time I changed my
residence, every time I changed
schools, every time I change
communities of Christians, they
become a past life long gone. Any
relationships or lessons I’ve acquired in
these past lives are taken –
some remembered,
most forgotten.

I have her to thank for that.

It’s as if when I begin to
bloom like a tall, strong sunflower to
my fullest potential, or when I just made
magnetic connections with others
who could help me grow –
it’s all for naught upon
relocation. She might as well

have told me: I
accidentally made a
poor life decision –
others hate me for no reason –
our lives are in shambles
right now; pack up, get in the car,
we’ll have to start over again
and again
and again
and again
and – STOP!
No more!
Please!
I’m down to 2 lives. I want
them to mean something
for a change. Never before have I
made connections so strong; I feel it
in my heart for once. Never before have I
acquired so much knowledge and wisdom; for once,
I’m on the right path.

Don’t take it all away
from me.

Sometimes
I wonder if all I am is
a burden to you, preventing
you from being wealthy and comfortable.
If this is so, if
money’s your highest priority,
why haven’t you
booted me out of your life yet?
Why didn’t you
allow me to die when I was
born so weak?

I’m sure this
isn’t what you wanted;

I never wanted this either.

Stop This Cycle of Depression

Day in, day out; everything’s
the same every day.
My joints crack, muscles stiff –

I’m up at 5 AM – but
only on weekdays.
It’s an easy, Sunday ride to
my place of employment – a place
where scents of propane, sweat, cigarettes,
and depressing thoughts that won’t come true
creep their way into my
striped fur. From this place that
reeks of desperation, I take part
in a mini marathon on two wheels –
any energy reserved when the sun bakes
the landscape, after putting
my 8 hours in
is gone.
I came home to a

sad story that is my
caretaker, or so I’d like to
imagine. The pattern of this
story is the same;
new job, lost it, move
new job, lose it, move
new job, lose it, move –

Can we please not move anymore?

Like most felines, I need to
analyze and drink in
my environment. I need to

make lasting friendships and
find a mate who’s
perfectly complementary with my soul,
female or male, doesn’t
matter to me; it shouldn’t
matter to you.

Goodbye caretaker. Thanks
for what you’ve done
to me. I’ll be with those
who seem to enjoy living, those
who relate better to animals and fiction
more than people in their lives, those
who can be their true self
by pretending to be
something they’re not.
I am one of these people –
imprinting myself as an
anthropomorphic tiger for
all the world to see –

take it or leave it.
I’m not striving for
your standards
anymore.

Your Motivation Should Be…

Don’t you hate it when
the mind wanders? And
you start thinking
about the people in your life:
those you love,
those you don’t like,
that random guy you met at a café?
Do you end up thinking about
the significance
of it all? Why

they of all people
are in your life?

Why is it that
whenever she’s around or
you’re aware of her presence –

you feel uneasy –

you can’t be 100% yourself because
you’re not allowed to? Or
you’re afraid of what
she’ll think of you?

How much longer will she be
like a dislodged disk in
your spine – preventing you
from reaching your full
potential?

When will liberation arrive?

But what about those who
truly love you – more than
she ever could?
Don’t they support you where
you need it most? In
mind and spirit?

It’s not difficult finding
physical and monetary support
elsewhere. You only need
strong willpower and

motivation.

Don’t your friends – those
who say “I love you” and
mean it –

mean the world to you?

Your true Father introduced
you to them on
purpose – would that
not give any weight on
those relationships?
Have they not been willing
to give you a chance when
she didn’t? Even though

she claims to have done so?

It’s not difficult finding
physical and monetary,
emotional, mental, and spiritual
support
elsewhere –
be it from here on earth or
from someone with

unmatched, unconditional
love.

She’s not capable of
providing much for you
anymore.

Liberation From Lack of Emotion

What do you see me as?
I am well aware that I am
your one and only son, with whom
you are well pleased; but I don’t know
if truth lies behind that statement.

Every relocation, every person
added or removed in our lives,
resulted from your decisions
alone; I was dragged along for the ride,
and I want off.

You might as well
store me away in a box
in the garage or in the basement, I
might as well be one of
your many sentimental possessions

you refuse to let go of just like
your “what ifs” of the past.
All I want is freedom
to be myself, do what I love,
reinvent myself, be the best man

God created me to be on
his terms, find someone to
love and cherish for who they are,
not what I want them to be.
I’m tired of this insecurity!

I want to share God’s love
for me with those who truly need it,
the modern-day lepers who
the Church condemns and refuses
to reach out

to, the QUILTBAGs for instance.

So now I must find liberation from
you, find a place of peace and not
depression, lacking all emotion including
loneliness.

I have found this among a culture of
humanoid animal people, in a universe
dominated by cute, colorful pony people, in a world
where humans can bend the four elements to their will
and are more in-tune with the spirits than we are,
in a galaxy far far away filled with
aliens, humans, rebels, smugglers, and scruffy nerf-herders

– I wish these were my reality instead.

Thanks for teaching me
how to not feel emotion when I should, and

keeping me stuck in my life.
 

Cordially,
Your Bisexual, dirty Liberal hippie “son”